God is good
God is faithful
God is gracious
These are phrases used quite frequently when life is going great. But when life changes, bad things happen, loved ones get sick, we lose a job, a child passes away, sometimes we are quick to change our attitude.
It then sounds more like….
How could God let this happen?
Why is this happening?
Where is God?
It is normal to ask questions, to wonder why, when bad things happen. We are human, it is what we do, we question. It’s what we do with these questions that matter. Does it turn us to God or away from Him?
My dad was diagnosed with cancer at the end of 2015.
I asked, “Why?” I know my dad asked the same thing.
“What is the purpose of this?” “Why now?”
We came to the same conclusion.
God has a plan in ALL things.
We can’t always understand God’s plan. We have to trust God, remember that He is in control, He has a plan, rest in His promises.
Have faith in the faithful One.
As time went on it seemed my dad was doing well for a while. But then things turned for the worse. Through the course of 2017 his pain increased, various complications, and scans were not good.
“God, where are you?!”
I used to yell in my car, cry my eyes out. “Why is he not getting better?”, “God, What is the point?”
God…. “I know what is going on, I have a plan.”
“Have faith, my child, trust me.”
I talked with my dad over the summer of 2017, about how he felt and the war going on in his body. He said,” I do not know what the point of all of this is. I don’t understand, but I know and I trust that God has a plan. What if my cancer isn’t for me, but for someone else? If one person came to know the Lord because of my journey than it would all be worth it..”
Did my dad have doubts? Yes. But over all he would say, “Let it be Jesus.”
Through complications, procedures, and lots of pain my dad ended up in the hospital for a month in September of 2017. Always hopeful, positive dad. He wanted so badly to get better, for the cancer to go away. As he got worse in the four weeks in the hospital he did not lose hope. At the end of that month stay the doctor told my parents that due to the progression of his disease and my dads decline that he should go on hospice. The doctor said five to six weeks left to live. It was devastating to see my dads hope crushed.
“God, I don’t understand. I don’t want to lose my dad. He is so young! Why can you not just make it go away.”
Upset, confused, sad, grieving the anticipated loss, frustrated. But never angry.
I watched my dad get weaker, lose weight, and eat less and less over five weeks. I literally watched the life drained out of him by the cancer that was destroying his human body. He suffered through immense pain but he NEVER complained. Not once!
Praying constantly for my dad and his suffering to be minimal, he went to be with the Lord in the early morning of November 5th. What a joyful, but very sad day. I know that he is in the presence of the Lord. No more suffering, praise the Lord!
A lot of people have asked me, “Are you ever angry?” “Are you mad at God for taking your dad so young?”
Honestly, No. Not once have I been angry at God about any of this. I have questioned, wondered, and been sad.
When people ask me that I always think,”How can I be angry at God?”
Yes, I miss my dad, it hurts, memories hurt, new things hurt, sometimes breathing even hurts. God comforts the brokenhearted.
How can I be angry at a God who loves me? I choose to be thankful for the 21 years that I GOT to have a loving, caring, hardworking dad. I am thankful that I had a dad at all. Some people are not so fortunate. I am thankful that he didn’t have to suffer longer than he did.
How can I be angry at the God who saved me from my own sin? I am a child of God! How blessed am I?! God is so good, I have absolutely no reason to be angry. If from the moment I was saved, God never did anything else for me, that would be more than enough! I do not deserve the love and forgiveness He so freely gives.
Jesus, He is enough.
God is so good, no matter what you are going through! I can not be angry with my God who saved me. Look to the Cross, to Jesus. He is the only way to get through the storms in life. He will carry you.