Heart Abandoned

God, give my a heart abandoned

Ever after you alone

Gold and silver, You can take it

All I want is You, my Lord

Growing up in church and being in church my whole life, we always say that Jesus is the desire of our soul, the one thing that can satisfy. We want to have a heart that longs for the Lord. How often do we sing that or say that without actually meaning it? How often do those feelings come and go in my life depending on the situation?

I get so caught up in my life and the things I’m doing that all too often I neglect the one who loves me the most, the one who gives me a reason for living. Recently I’ve been so caught up in the craziness of life. The time in life that I’m at, there is a lot of change coming. I have been scared about the decisions I need to make. Am I making the right choices, is it what God wants me to do?  I’ve beaten my self up a lot for decisions I’ve made in my past and things I’ve done. My past doesn’t define my future; but do I actually believe it, feel it in my soul?

There is this part of me that knows that God is always with me and He is with me in all things. At the same time I feel very distant from Him. I let myself get that way. Its all on me….. No matter what you do or how far you stray, He never leaves. He is always there. While I was out on a run the other day I had this moment…. It was so surreal, I can’t adequately describe how I felt. The song “Heart Abandoned” started playing on my phone and it caught my attention. I really started to pay attention to the words. The chorus started and as I listened, God spoke to me in this mighty way.

God, give my a heart abandoned

Ever after you alone

Gold and silver, You can take it

All I want is You, my Lord.

I just started crying and the Lord whispered to me,”Who or what is it that you have given your heart to?” That question…. The answers are not that pretty. If I wouldn’t have been running I would have dropped to my knees in the middle of the road, I stood there, face to the sky, tears streaming down my face in my brokenness. My brokenness which is all to real to Jesus. He knows….  I want to have a heart abandoned for the Lord. All I want is Him. As I stood there, it just felt like He was saying to me,”Even in your darkest moments, your most unsure days, I AM”.  He is my comforter, sustainer, Savior, friend, Father, provider… and on and on.

Through that moment I was reminded of the Love I have for my Savior. I want to live a life that reflects the love He has planted in me. I want to love others, and show them the love He has for them.

“Now this I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”   ~John 13:34-35

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